Memories
Hello my andel. Its been a while since I've been able to get to a computer. But YOU KNOW you're in my thoughts every day. Its so hard sometimes but I am pushing myself to be better. I know how important it was for you to see me happy. Thats all you wanted for me. I cant even say i'm living without you because you are and alwys will be so much a part of me that I can litterally feel you . I love you so much and I'm really working toward making things right baby. I just hope I don't let you down. The girls are doing ok. They miss you so much, you can see it in their faces. They don't talk much about it. Probably one of those situations where if we talk about it, them maybe its not real. You know how kids are. I'm getting myself better so I can be there for them. I promise I wont let you down baby. I'll be strong for you and keep your memory alive forever and ever. I love you!!!
Hi precious girl, its 1/15/10, sorry i havent been here in awhile. Havent had a computer, but i have been just looking at your pictures, you are so beautiful!! Your little girls, they look so like you, and are so much like you only in completely in different ways. Payton, the tender heart you have, wanting to love everybody, Macie the silly, blunt out spoken you. Kac, I want to say im sorry for not appreciating you as i should have, i just never imagined having to live this life without you in it. You only always wanted love and acceptance, and thats something people dont realize until its to late. I hope you know how much you meant to me, how much a part of me you are and always will be. Everyday i wake up, I think of you and then it hits me, this is all real, your not with us and I have to go thru the rest of this life without you . People say time makes the pain easier to bear, but im not sure. To me, it seems I just miss you more.I think of all the things I wish I had said and done. I say them now and hope you can hear me, but it will never be the same. The one thing i am glad of is, knowing what papa meant to you, and your dad, that your with them, and your at peace, and can never be hurt again. I wish i could have taken away the hurt you seemed to carry around, but if there is any good in this, your not hurting anymore. I promise you, your little girls will know you, know how you loved them, and they will know they are loved by us all. I guess im rambling now, but there is so much in my heart, I want you to know. I believe you do hear me, and i believe you are with me. I love you, my angel, sooooo much. I will miss you, every minute of the rest of my life!! ALWAY AND FOREVER!!!!!!!!
Well its 2 days til Christmas, baby girl, I guess u r loving it this year being with,Jesus, papa, ur dad and all those who u loved and missed so bad! Only now we have to spend this year, our first without you. Only God knows how hard this is for us all. I see your beautiful little face, everywhere I look, your voice, telling me you love me. God I miss you soo much! Kacey, wish I could go back, and make sure u knew how much you meant to me! I know papa and ur dad are so happy to be with you, be sure to let them know how much we miss them to.My Life here will never be the same without you here. Please let us know ur with us, especially ur mom and girls. Well baby I guess I will talk to you again soon, Merry Christmas, and I love you, more than you will or anyone will ever know. Rest, and be happy sweet angel, til we meet again!!!!!!
Hi angel, i'm happy and sad today, we got to see Payton and Macie this weekend. It was so wonderful for us all. The only thing is you were'nt here to! It seems so unreal baby, you not here with us. I know you are in spirit, but i want to see ur beautiful face, put my arms around u, and urs around me. I know Chrisrmas will be magical for u, and im happy for that. No more saddness for u baby girl. No more pain. We will have to bear the pain, for a while until our time comes to be with u again, until that time be with us, let us feel ur presence, every minute of everyday, so that we can bear this pain. I love u soo much, my sweet angel and I will missyou until I see you again. Merry Christmas, darling, xoxoxox!!!!
Hey my lil lady'bub'... I 'm not going to apoligize for not being here lately cause while I haven't written on here lately, I can't think of a single day that you werent wih me. No matter what, no matter when, you are just there. I still always do everything including you as if you are still here with us. I just cant come to terms with the fact that " why cant I pick up the phone and find out what your opinion is, or are you gonna get to come and bring the girls at Christmas, are you, mama, and the girls ok or to let you know how much we cant wait till we can get together and spend a few days together"... I just cant imagine living the rest of my life and you not being here. theres something that seems very wrong with that. Please know that Im trying so hard to keep things together in my own way, and keep myself from losing everything. I have to do something to make the people that allowed your precious little life that was taken and the people we count on to protect us or at least make things right... I no that I am rambling, I dont know what else to do baby... I promise if it takes the rest of my life, I will make something good come from this. One day these people will answer for the sins commited against you and our precious Kolbee. I cant let it go, because we cant say ... uh-oh, they messed up, but here you can go and fix this. I think thats my biggest problem... I'm so used to just fixing things that are wrong, and I can't fix this... I swear to you my sweetest angel, I will one day all in good time do whatever it takes to assure that all parties from the horrific crime scene all the way through the police force that had any envolvement in knowing anything about your passing, will have to stand up for there crimes commited toward you and our precious Kolbee, and everyones punishment having to be the feelings you felt those tragic moments and the heartache and heartbreak that we get to feel everyday for being so unjustfully ignored by the very people that was their sworn duty to find justice in every case, and competely ignored and disrespected you while we all knowing what a special little women you are. One day that everyone involved in this from the hotel to brushing simple details under the rug, just to make an open and shut case, gets to look into a beautiful loved ones eyes and tell that person the things that your babies have had to feel and hear regardless if they wanted to hear it, fell it, or not, and then have to imagine telling it to the most innocent of all, their children. This is the reality that we know, and the same reality that has already been forgotten by the devil that made this happen all the way to the chief of police that ignored my many phone calls along with others made by so many other loved ones trying to help them in piecing this together... the polices responce was actually that we were really calling to much and we really needed to stop because it was making things to difficult for them... I have and will let it go for now, just please no my sweet angel, Aunt Kerri hasnt given up. Everything that I have promised you will be fulfilled one day. My Mother, your Grandmother who helped bring you into this world and the first to lay eyes on you, will meet our sweet baby Kolbee one day. Oh, and the wonderful stories we will fill her little head with. She'll get to no who her Mother is and her sisters and what a beautiful little family that was tragically taken from her because nobody had time to make a phone call or to investigate anything but what seemed to be the obvious, so it had to be the gospel. I do promise all in good time this will be rectified. None of us can have you back right now, but I will take comfort for now just knowing that one day each and everyone involved will have to pay the price legally and more importantly to God for how terribly this was handled from the first phone call made til even today... 7.5 months later and from now on until the right person hers your story and makes it their mission to make your story heard worldwide if necessary. Taken to the highest courts to ensure that the ones responsible for this has to pay dearly, and they have to explain to their families how they neglected such a beautiful person and innocent children and this is there punishment and that everyone gets to pay for there mistakes. One day baby, I swear baby, one day... this will be fixed the way it was suppose to be..I love you til my heart literally aches, and I dont even know words used to describe how much I miss you and dread every day, month and year that goes by without you in it, but your little angels are what make it all worth it. God willing I will see this all the way though baby, That is a promise i will never break.
Love Aunt Kerri
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